


The Nightmare and the Dream

by bcbdrums



Category: Kim Possible (Cartoon)
Genre: Age Difference, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Attempted Abortion, Controversial Topics, Discussion of Abortion, F/M, Implied/Referenced Abortion, Pregnancy, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-13
Updated: 2019-04-13
Packaged: 2020-01-12 14:52:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,405
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18448838
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bcbdrums/pseuds/bcbdrums
Summary: Shego snatched the laptop and plopped down on the bed next to him.  She began a web search, and after a moment he peered cautiously at the screen."Wh-what are you doing?" he asked."Finding a clinic," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.Like an electric current, fear suddenly swept his entire body from his fingers and toes into the depth of his core."What kind of clinic?" he asked, his voice taut."An abortion clinic of course," she said angrily.





	The Nightmare and the Dream

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This is a direct sequel to "Lonely Forever" and you technically don't have to read it to get this story, but there are a few references that you won't get without reading that one.
> 
> I wasn't planning to write a sequel, but then the artist who originally inspired me, TinyMewling, drew a sequel of sorts to the first picture, again based on a song. Here is the artwork: [ART](https://tinymewling.tumblr.com/post/183979637749/you-aint-gettin-any-younger-are-ya-another) and here is the song: [SONG](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gx4rsZkCCss&feature=youtu.be). In viewing the art and listening to the song, the fic may be a bit confusing as to how it was inspired by them. But my note at the end makes it a little clearer I think...
> 
> This is rated Teen and Up for blatant mentions of sexuality. This is all told from Drakken's POV again. Hope you enjoy!

  
  
  
Drakken woke up.  
  
He uncurled his posture and sat up on the sofa, turning quickly at the sound of the quiet closing of the door to the lair.  
  
Shego was back.  She walked forward into the room, the skirt of her jet-black dress swaying back and forth with each step, giving just a glimpse of her knees.  
  
Drakken swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked at her face, her eyes wide and staring straight forward at nothing.  They looked especially wide, he supposed, because she had pulled her hair back from her face and up into a large bun on the back of her head.  He had never seen her hair like that before.  
  
She stopped walking after only a few steps and let her purse fall from where it hung on her shoulder to the floor.  He sat up taller and held his breath, watching her anxiously.  
  
And when she turned her vacant eyes to him, he knew.  


* * *

  
_Earlier that day..._  
  
"Shego...?" Drakken queried softly as he opened the door to her bedroom.  He never breached her room, but they had an appointment in less than an hour and would be late if they didn't leave soon.  Usually it was Shego whining at Drakken to get his blue butt in gear, but today she had yet to make an appearance in the lair.  
  
"Uh, Shego?" he asked again, poking his head in cautiously.  "We have that meeting in Poland today..."  
  
He paused when he saw her sprawled across her bed, still in her pajamas and looking decidedly uncomfortable.  She had her head thrown back and one forearm draped over her eyes, and the bedclothes had all fallen to the floor.  
  
"Shego?" he asked more loudly, stepping into the room.  "Are you sick?"  
  
She lifted her arm briefly to peer at him, before dropping it back onto her face.  
  
"Ugh.  I don't know.  Yes."  
  
"Um...anything...I can do?" Drakken asked, taking an uncertain step forward.  He hadn't seen her looking so...not-like-Shego, before, and it made him uncomfortable.  Though he wasn't sure why.  
  
She peered at him again, looking skeptical, but then seemed to accept the offer as genuine.  
  
"Water would be good."  
  
"All right.  So I guess you're not coming with me to Poland?"  
  
She glared at him.  
  
"Ah, n-nevermind.  I'll just get your water," he said, scurrying out of the room.  
  
As he poured a tall, cool glass in the kitchen he realized he hadn't really seen much of Shego all week.  Granted, that was fairly typical when they didn't have any huge plans in the works.  She would often disappear when bored, or when he got wrapped up in something she thought was stupid.  
  
But since they had decided on the long game of "play good" to con various world governments, she had been asserting her ideas more.  And he wasn't surprised at all that her ideas were brilliant.  She had even improved on his secret plan to ruin Kim Possible's start in college.  But for the last several days, she had been strangely absent.  
  
His brow furrowed as he returned to her room, pondering the possibilities.  
  
"Have you been sick all week?" he asked after entering.  He held out the glass for several seconds before she opened her eyes and took it.  
  
"Yes," she said reluctantly, sipping the water.  
  
"Do you need to see a doctor?"  
  
"Probably.  It's something weird," she said after taking a second sip.  
  
He noted that aside from looking uncomfortable and a bit unkempt, she appeared fine.  Her eyes weren't bloodshot and there was plenty of color in her cheeks.  
  
"How so?" he asked carefully, thinking it odd for her to confide in him.  Maybe she was worse than she looked.  
  
"I'll feel fine, and then I—"  
  
Her eyes suddenly went wide and she vaulted off the bed with surprising speed and raced into the bathroom.  Drakken cringed as he clearly heard the sounds of her retching.  
  
He remained awkwardly next to the bed, fidgeting and wondering if he should go see to her.  But soon she came back into the room, frowning but not looking any sicker than before the sudden episode.  
  
"That keeps happening.  And I'm so tired," she said, flopping back onto the bed.  
  
Drakken watched as her hair, motivated by gravity, slowly slipped off the side of the bed and hung low, the ends touching the floor.  He continued fidgeting.  
  
"Have you done a web search?" he finally asked.  It's what he usually did when he had weird symptoms.  
  
"No..." she said disinterestedly, glancing over at her laptop.  
  
Drakken continued fidgeting.  It was strange enough being in her room, let alone having a conversation that wasn't about scheming various evil-doings.  
  
"Go ahead," she said, startling him from his brown study.  
  
"Oh..." he said, and then retrieved the laptop from the top of her dresser.  He looked around and realized there wasn't a single chair in the small room.  His brow furrowed.  
  
"Yeah, the accommodations are great at _Drakken and Co_.  Four years as evil sidekick and I've got some choice digs," she said with sugary sarcasm.  
  
"I'll get you a better room," he grumbled as he sat at the foot of her bed and opened the laptop on his knees.  
  
She shifted up a little and began finger-combing her hair.  He watched her out of the corner of his eye as he ran the web search.  She looked...worried.  He wondered what else she may not have told him about the week.  
  
"Vomiting and tiredness can be caused by the flu..." he began reading from a list.   He glanced at her for her thoughts, and she shook her head.  "Food poisoning?"  She shook her head again.  
  
"Allergies?  High blood pressure...  Brain tumor?"  
  
She glared at him.  "Look, just forget it."  
  
"Peptic ulcer...pelvic inflammatory disease...gestational diabetes..."  
  
He heard her breath catch and he stopped reading to look at her again.  Her eyes were wide and her face had gone pale.  
  
He glanced uncertainly between the list and her face as she stared off at nothing, trying to figure out what had caused her reaction.  Really, nothing he had read could be diagnosed without testing.  So he didn't understand...  
  
His eyes went wide as he suddenly zeroed in on the first part of the last condition he had read.    
  
_Gestational._  
  
He quickly scanned the list looking for something in particular.  Not diabetes, but perhaps...so-called morning sickness?  
  
He turned toward her again just as she was turning to look at him.  When their eyes met in understanding she came back to herself and began blinking rapidly as if to erase the thought.  
  
"No.  _Oh_ no," she declared shaking her head.  "I am _not_..." she said, her voice rising in volume.  She swung her legs off the bed again and rushed into the bathroom, this time closing the door behind her.  Drakken stared after her, his heart pounding inside his chest.    
  
A minute passed, and then a few more.  He couldn't hear anything from inside the bathroom, so he began another web search for symptoms of morning sickness.  He also did the math from the day he and Shego had...  
  
He closed his eyes and shook his head fiercely before the memory could fully arrive.  He was content to go along with her and pretend nothing had happened, if it meant they could go along the way they always had.  It was far better to have her there as his lippy condescending sidekick than to not have her at all.  
  
He swallowed a lump in his throat as he realized that everything checked out.  He closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing as he let the reality sink in.  
  
He and Shego...were going to be parents?  
  
Of all the thoughts in the world he might have had next, all he could wonder was what color the baby might be.  
  
Just then the bathroom door slammed open, and he nearly dropped the laptop as he scurried backward on the bed in fear.  
  
"This is all _your_ fault!" Shego shouted, throwing something small at him.  
  
Drakken blinked as the pregnancy test flew past his head and hit the opposite wall.  She glared at him, her shoulders heaving and fists clenched at her sides.  He couldn't exactly argue with her statement, so he wasn't sure what to say.  
  
Seconds passed as he held his breath in anticipation of abuse.  Finally she growled and stalked toward him.  
  
"Gimme that!" she said, snatching the laptop and plopping down on the bed next to him.  She began a new web search and after a moment he peered cautiously at the screen.  
  
"Wh-what are you doing?" he asked.  
  
"Finding a clinic," she said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.  
  
Like an electric current, fear suddenly swept his entire body from his fingers and toes into the depth of his core.    
  
"What kind of clinic?" he asked, his voice taut.  
  
"An abortion clinic of course," she said angrily.  
  
He released his breath in a soft gasp, his jaw falling open.  
  
"N-no!" he said, grabbing the laptop and holding it away from her.  
  
She looked at him then as if it was the most bizarre thing he had ever said to her.  
  
" _'No?'_   What do you mean, 'no'?"  
  
"I...I..." he stuttered as he gathered his courage, "I don't want you to have an...an...I don't want you to kill it."  
  
She narrowed her eyes angrily.  "You don't get any say in this."  She snatched the laptop and turned her back to him, continuing her web search.  
  
Drakken frowned and reached for the laptop, but she blocked his reach with her shoulder and scooted further away on the bed.  
  
"Of course I get a say."  
  
"This is your fault!" Shego growled back at him.  
  
"Exactly!" he yelled, this time lunging over her shoulder and causing them both to fall.  "Oof!"    
  
The laptop fell to the floor as Drakken's weight pinned Shego to the bed.  He grit his teeth in pain as her shoulder ground up into his solar plexus, and she gasped for air as the wind was knocked out of her.  
  
"I am _not_ going to be pregnant!" she cried as she tried to shove him off her.  
  
He let her up but grabbed one of her wrists to stop her from going for the laptop again.  
  
"And I say you can't get rid of it!  It's half-mine!"  
  
Shego's snarl slowly morphed into a murderous frown, and he flinched away.  When she spoke her voice was soft with fury, such that if were it a blade it would have cut him.  
  
" _You_ don't have to have it inside your body, ruining your life for a year.  So no, you don't get a say."  
  
She yanked her wrist away from him and then shoved him off the bed.  He fell squarely on his back, hitting his head and his tailbone against the thinly-carpeted stone floor.  
  
He closed his eyes against the pain and listened to the sounds of her typing again.  
  
"But...it's...our child?" he protested weakly, opening his eyes to look at her back.  
  
"Ugh!" she cried in disgust as she whirled to look at him again, the murderous fire still in her eyes.  "Don't _ever_ say that again!  Now get out!"  
  
He didn't move, and she quickly ignited her glow and shot him in the knee.  
  
"Ow! he cried, scurrying away from her toward the door.  "Shego... _please!_ "  
  
"Out!" she roared and fired a huge blast from both hands.  
  
He wasn't able to dodge it completely and wailed in pain as the edge of the glow caught his forearm.  This blast had been more powerful and his arm felt as if it were afire as he scrambled to his feet and ran for the door.  
  
He didn't look back as he exited the small room, not wanting to risk an even more serious injury.  But his heart was still pounding in fear and his mind raced in desperation.  She couldn't just...do _that_.  
  
He hurried away to the kitchen to treat his burn and pondered the nature of the strange comet-power-infused woman who had become entwined into his life.  Why did Shego always react to things the way she did?  Why couldn't she just...be normal?  What was the difference between her and him, that they both desired to do evil but that they weren't willing to take the same kind of risks?  
  
Still cleaning the burn, he heard the sound of a door closing.  He left the faucet running as he ran back in the direction of Shego's room.  
  
He reached the main entry to the lair and collided with her as she headed toward the door.  
  
"Agh, hey, watch it!" she said as she stumbled back.  
  
He blinked in surprise at her appearance.  She was wearing a black dress with a full skirt that fell right at the knee.  It had long, tight sleeves, and a wide neckline.  Her hair was pulled back from her face and up into a bun, and though every strand had been contained it was as voluminous as ever.  While the ensemble was casual, her beauty made it look as if she was going to a cocktail party.  
  
"Why are you dressed like that?" he asked, distracted.  
  
"So I won't be recognized.  I don't want anyone asking questions," she said matter-of-factly, continuing toward the door.  "Plus, easy access."  
  
He felt a lump form in his throat again and he ran to stand in front of her.  
  
"You can't do this," he said, trying to sound authoritative.  But the quiver in his voice weakened the effect.  
  
"Don't make me hurt you again," she said, narrowing her eyes.  
  
Drakken bit his lower lip and his brow twisted in indecision.  
  
"I-I'll give you anything you want," he negotiated.  
  
"Psh," she scoffed, "maybe if you _had_ anything I wanted."  
  
She started to walk past him again, but he grabbed her by the shoulders and stopped her.  
  
"No really, a-anything.  I have money I've never told you about."  
  
She raised a skeptical eyebrow and then shrugged him off.  "Not worth it."  
  
"Shego, please!" he cried, grabbing her shoulders again.  "I'll do anything you want, forever!"  
  
She scowled in disgust and shoved him away, causing him to trip and fall to the stone floor.  As she tried to pass him this time, he lunged upward and grabbed her around the waist, looking up at her with desperate eyes.  
  
She finally sighed and set her hands on her hips.  "Why do you want it anyway?"  
  
Drakken blinked up at her, his gaze momentarily going vacant as he thought of how to answer.  
  
"I don't know," he said, meeting her eyes again, "I just do."  
  
"Have you thought about this at all?  What it _really_ means to have a kid?"  
  
He blinked at her again.  
  
She let out a disgusted scoff.  "Okay, first of all, it would be nine months of torture for me.  And then you actually have to take care of the thing.  It's completely dependent on you, it takes up all of your time."  
  
He blinked again, his expression unchanging.  
  
"And it's not just...a play-thing that you can change your mind about later.  Once you _have_ it, you're stuck with it at for at _least_ eighteen years.  You have to _raise_ it, from the stinky diaper stage through whiny childhood and... _ugh_ , adolescence.  Seriously, Doc, have you ever thought about it?"  
  
"It's...it's what people do," he protested weakly.  
  
"It's giving up your whole life," she retorted.  "And besides, _you_ raising a kid?  If you managed to keep it alive, you'd be gray by the time it could talk.  And you'd be in the nursing home when it's a teenager.  Be realistic, you left this option behind years ago."  
  
"I..."  
  
"And besides all of that...read my lips," she leaned down into his face.  "I'm.  Not.  Interested.  Now let me go!" she said, grabbing his forearm and pressing against the fresh burn.  
  
With a cry of pain he let go and fell back to sit on the floor, watching her in despair as she walked away.  
  
"Shego please, we can make it work," he whimpered.  
  
She glanced at him over her shoulder again.  "Nuh-uh, Doc, there's no 'we' in this.  Say hi to Poland for me."  
  
"Yes there is!  It's half-mine!" he called after her.  But she closed the door on his words.  
  
Cradling his arm, he drew into himself and began rocking back and forth.    
  
He replayed her words over and over in his mind as he tried to calm down, but a strange contradiction of sensations was rising within him.  The love he had promised never to speak of again was pressing against the walls of his chest, clawing for exit.  Every hope he secretly clung to of Shego returning his love was fading with every step she took away from him and toward her destination.  And at the same time, the fear of what she was about to do and the loss he was about to suffer caused his chest to constrict in panic, warning him to do something before it was too late.  
  
He stumbled to his feet and marveled at his heart still pumping blood to his body while it felt that all his insides were rebelling against their natural function.  He hurried across the lair to his workstation and brought up his tracking system.  He was smart enough to know that he could never tell Shego that he'd chipped her years ago, but he'd never actually used it to track her until now.  
  
The GPS showed her moving at a speed that indicated she'd taken the hover car—so much for Poland—and was heading to one of the parts of the state with a higher crime rate.  He knew this of course, since he had frequented the area in the past.  
  
Watching the little blip move across the screen only made his heart muscle feel more and more as if it would fail him at any moment.  Sighing, he went back to the kitchen to finish dressing his burn.  
  
He washed his arm again and then thoroughly coated the burn in antibacterial ointment before wrapping his forearm several times around with gauze.  He grit his teeth against the oscillations of pain in his chest until finally a single tear fell from his eye onto the bandage.  
  
He choked back on the sob that threatened to spill forth as he realized that everything that Shego had said in opposition to having a child, he wanted.  Or at least, he was okay with.  It was worth the risk of giving up his life it meant that he could have...that miracle.  He wanted it because it was _theirs_.  Equal parts him, and equal parts her, a brand new living being with unique DNA that had never before existed, and would never exist again once it was dead.  
  
It was also a symbol of those brief moments when he had felt wholeness in his soul, before she denied the love he knew she must feel.  Why else had she given him a single-sentence explanation of why she was staying and then pretended as if there was nothing between them?  Why had she immediately relented and let him run all the elaborate, secret plans he wanted to run?  Why else had she become withdrawn and all-business, not a single sarcastic quip to be heard from her lips?    
  
He could handle a denial of love.  But what she was doing now was different.  More than denial and more than rejection, it was a malicious attack against him personally.  She may as well be firing her glow at him without restraint.  
  
The burn dressed, he hurried back to the computer to check the tracking.  Her blip was now stationary over a medium-sized building in that seedy part of the city he'd predicted she'd go to.  And after adding a satellite overlay, he confirmed that she'd gone exactly where she'd said she was going.  
  
A few more tears followed the first down his cheeks.  With a quick command typed into the keyboard he shut the tracking down and turned away from the workstation.  He couldn't bear to wait and watch as she murdered their...their...  To deny him his fatherhood when he had just as much right as she did was a level of attack he had never before conceived of, let alone thought her capable of.  
  
But then, she had always been more evil than him.  
  
His eyes had begun to hurt, but he could no longer prevent the tears from flowing.  He wandered back into the main room and absently lay down on the sofa, curling up into a ball.  The tears were now dripping across the bridge of his nose and down the side of his face, his chest still alternating between constricting and feeling as if it would burst.  For the first time in his life, he felt as if he knew the pain of death.  And if he died, she would find him there when she returned, a teary, pathetic mess.  He supposed people really could die of heartbreak.  Especially if the heart was broken deliberately by someone you love.  
  
She really was far more evil than he.  
  
It was on that thought that he closed his eyes and fell into an emotionally exhausted asleep.  


* * *

  
Drakken woke up.  
  
He uncurled his posture and sat up on the sofa, turning quickly at the sound of the quiet closing of the door to the lair.  
  
Shego was back.  She walked forward into the room, the skirt of her jet-black dress swaying back and forth with each step, giving just a glimpse of her knees.  
  
Drakken swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked at her face, her eyes wide and staring straight forward at nothing.  She walked until she was parallel to him, her heels clicking on the stone floor, and then she stopped.  
  
And when she turned her vacant eyes to him, he knew.  
  
He felt his soul seep out of him like vapor, leaving a hollow shell where his vibrance had once been.  Just as she had once been.  His breath caught as tears formed in his eyes anew.  Startled by the sound, she blinked and continued on.  But her eyes remained empty.  
  
When she had turned the corner and was out of sight, he fell onto the sofa and cried silently.  
  
That morning, they had been going to Poland to address the scientific council, still heroes and he a genius in high demand.  Now he wanted to die.    
  
How was it possible for everything to change so suddenly?  How was it possible for him to mourn someone he had never known?  Why did he feel as if his very essence had left him never to return?  
  
He cried until he was too tired to cry more and then simply lay there, eyes closed and staring at the blackness.  He tried not to think, but it was impossible.  The pain was still in his chest, though slightly dulled, but now it seemed as if it was attached to a chain.  And that chain had a connection at its other end.  
  
He didn't know what to do.  But somehow...there was still something of his soul left.  Clinging to that fragile piece, he left the sofa and followed the invisible chain on instinct.  Surely there was still life to be had?  
  
He was on the path toward Shego's room, passing through the living area when suddenly a loud crash stopped him.  
  
He looked toward the kitchen and blinked in surprise when he saw Shego standing there, back in her pajamas with her hair down.  The kettle was sitting askew atop the burner and she was standing in front of the stove with both hands hovering above it.  He supposed the kettle had slipped from her grasp.  
  
She looked up and met his eyes, and he saw that they had changed.  There was still a vacancy like when she had entered the lair, but it was no longer endless.  There was pain.  Something akin to when he had confessed his love for her, but far deeper.  
  
"Shego?" he said just above a whisper.  
  
She blinked and seemed to come to herself, quickly looking away.  "It was the right decision," she said, her voice tight, "It was...the right decision."  
  
He found he was holding his breath, and when he released it his expression twisted in question.  "Are you all right?"  
  
Suddenly she strode past him out of the kitchen and into the corridor that led to their rooms.  He hurried after her.  
  
"Shego?  What...?"  
  
She broke into a run and he matched her pace, taking the turns of the well-traveled corridors with ease.  But Shego must not have been paying attention as she clipped her shoulder on one corner and then stumbled into the opposite wall with a cry of pain.  She clutched the wall for support, eyes tightly closed and her entire frame tense and trembling.  
  
"Shego?" he asked again when he caught up.  
  
She gasped, and he thought he saw tears forming at the corner of her eyes.  
  
"There was no other way.  I couldn't...  I don't want a baby.  I've never wanted a baby.  I'm not interested in being a mother," she said.  She sounded like she was explaining, or justifying what she'd done.  
  
Drakken sighed silently and frowned.  He set a hand on her shoulder and then began gently rubbing her arm.  
  
To his surprise, she fell into his chest and clung to his shirt as she began to cry.  He wrapped his arms around her to try to still her shoulders shaking and starting guiding her toward the nearest door.  It happened to be his own, and once inside he guided her to his large bed where she paused for just a moment before laying down and curling up in the center.  
  
He studied her for a moment before laying down to face her.  He set his forehead against hers and pulled her closer, rubbing and scratching her back.  As her tears escalated into sobs he couldn't help but cry too, but he was silent as he watched her, rubbing her back all the while.  Eventually her shoulders stopped shaking and her breathing calmed.    
  
She opened her eyes and looked at him, wondering and guilty.  
  
"I thought it would just feel like...things were normal again.  I didn't think it would feel like this," she said, her voice small.  
  
Drakken's eyes narrowed.  "Maybe because you never stop to think at all."  
  
She stared at him in confusion.  "What?" she finally asked breathlessly.  
  
"You're nothing but rash action," he said condemningly.  "This all started when you kissed me.  Why, I'll never know.  Then you seduced me, and you've pretended for weeks that nothing is between us, and now you've murdered my child."  
  
She stared at him in shock, barely breathing.  
  
"Well, I'm finished with pretending," he continued, his voice hoarse.  "I'm not going to take your...your hemming and hawing, anymore.  Decide what you want from me.  And whatever it is you want, until you can act like an adult, _I'm_ calling all the shots.  And if you don't like it...nngh, you know where the door is."  
  
He said his piece in one breath, and gulped in air when he was finished.  After catching his breath he stared at her and continued to rub and scratch her back, his heart's desire still making itself known despite his anger and pain.  
  
She stared back at him, eyes wide.  For the first time he couldn't read anything in them.  
  
Several minutes passed in which she barely blinked, but her tears continued to flow.  She finally set her hands on his shoulders and began to push away from him, but then indecision came over her features and instead she pulled close.  
  
"I..." she glanced down, and he saw genuine worry in her face.  "I don't know."  
  
"Nngh..." he grumbled, frowning disapprovingly.  
  
She hit him in his chest with her palm, her fire returning in an instant.  "You know you're old enough to be my father?"  
  
Drakken felt a pang of embarrassment, but he swallowed it down and raised his chin defiantly.  "No I'm not."  
  
"And you...!" her vehemence evaporated and she looked away in worry again, "You'll...do something stupid and get yourself killed," she mumbled, "and I..."  
  
Some of his anger faded as he watched and listened to her, as at long last he felt he was beginning to understand.  Or at least, for the first time she was revealing something that could lead to understanding.  
  
"And I'm not going to deal with that, get it?" she said, turning to glare up at him.  
  
His expression remained hard.  "You'll have to deal with it if you're 'just my sidekick', too," he lifted a hand to make air-quotes and said the last in a mocking, sing-song tone of voice.  "Labels _don't_ change facts."  
  
She looked as if he'd just stabbed her in the heart.  He watched the fight take place in her eyes as she tried to resist but eventually gave in and she collapsed in devastation.  She moved closer to him, clinging to his shirt and crying into his neck while her legs threaded through his.  He continued rubbing and scratching her back, alternating pressing his palms heavily into her flesh and then raking his nails up and down the paths his palms had taken.  
  
He closed his eyes and briefly indulged himself, resting his cheek against her hair and inhaling her scent.  It was a memory of glory and perfection, perhaps of something never meant to be.  But the past was past and he was stuck in the present.  The tiniest sliver of hope in his heart told him that maybe there was a way out of present misery in his future.  But the pain in his heart overwhelmed that hope and buried it deep.  If there was a way out, it certainly wouldn't be soon.  
  
Survival was key.  So he turned his instinct and curiously found that without hope, and through embracing the pain, he was ready to do some evil.  
  
Maybe he could learn to be as evil as she.  
  
After awhile her tears slowed and she just rested against him.  She let go of his shirt and slid one hand down to press against her abdomen and her other hand felt between her legs.  He noted what she had done when she writhed slightly and frowned in discomfort.  
  
"Are you in pain?" he asked.  
  
She nodded in reply.  
  
He looked beyond her and let his vision blur as he chose his next words.  
  
"I'll find something to help...  But you deserve it."  
  
He felt her tense up and knew she was looking at him, but he kept on staring at nothing.  
  
"Murderer," he continued quietly, his voice flat.  He closed his eyes for a moment and briefly let run through his mind all the ways he could torture her for what she had done to him.  Mental and emotional and physical, he let himself imagine them all in slow, vivid detail as the pain of loss gripped his heart unrelentingly.  Oh yes, if he wanted to he could really make her pay.  
  
Perhaps, he wondered—and he realized that she had probably been wondering it for years—those who were evil were destined to be unhappy.  
  
He heard her make a soft sound of pain and opened his eyes to find that he was gripping her shoulders far too hard.  Instantly he released her and rubbed the places that his fingers had dug in.  
  
He may imagine it in depth, but he really wasn't that kind of evil.  
  
"I'm...not sure if I'll forgive you," he said truthfully, and then finally letting go he rolled away from her and off of the bed.  
  
"Wait!" she gasped, and he turned to see her reaching after him, arm outstretched and pain in her eyes.  
  
"I'm going to do a web search for how to help with pain after an...after an abortion," he said bitterly, his chest constricting further.  He closed his eyes against the pain and turned to go sit at his desk.  
  
Behind him she sat up and hugged herself tightly.  His pain was mirrored in her eyes.  And sitting in the middle of the large bed, she looked very alone.  


* * *

  
Drakken woke up.  
  
He uncurled his posture and sat up on the sofa, turning quickly at the sound of the quiet closing of the door to the lair.  
  
Shego was back.  She walked forward into the room, the skirt of her jet-black dress swaying back and forth with each step, giving just a glimpse of her knees.  
  
Drakken swallowed the lump in his throat as he looked at her face, her eyes wide and staring straight forward at nothing.  She stopped walking after only a few steps and turned to face him.  Her eyes were vacant, and she seemed to look straight through him.  
  
He rose up on one knee, holding his breath in anticipation.  
  
She took in a long, slow breath through her nose and finally focused her gaze on him.  
  
"I hate you."  
  
Drakken blinked, fidgeting as his heart began beating faster.  
  
"Um.  What?"  
  
"I hate you," Shego repeated, slowly stepping toward him.  "I hate you and your...hair-brained schemes and your...stupid optimism and your...impractical lab coat, and your melodrama, and your cliche technology, and...and I hate everything about you."  
  
When she reached the sofa he stood fully, and she went toe-to-toe with him, frowning as she looked up into his face.  
  
"And you're _far_ from a genius," she continued, thrusting her index finger into his chest, "and you can't stay focused, and you _never_ ask me to do anything except the grunt work, and why you can't just be _normal_ -evil?  You have to be mad-scientist super-villian evil.  You could be rolling in cash if you'd give up the 'take over the world with a masterminded scheme,' idea.  You could just _buy_ parts of the world if you'd use the brains you _do_ have on selling more ideas to world governments.  Like, do you have any idea how many countries' militaries would buy your weapons?  Argh, you're so dumb!" she said, throwing her hands up as she reached her first level of frustration.  
  
"Um, Shego?" he said, still fidgeting anxiously.  
  
She had turned away from him when she threw her hands up, and now dropped her purse on the sofa and set her hands on her hips, looking him up and down critically.  
  
"And you're not attractive.  And you're old enough to be my father.  Eugh, do you realize how _gross_ that is?"  
  
He finally shrank back from the verbal abuse.  She had reached frustration level two, and showed no signs of slowing down.  
  
"If you and I had a kid, he'd probably call you 'grandpa' instead of 'dad.'  And we'd go out for 'family outings' and other moms would say it's so nice that my son still has his grandfather around, but where is my husband?  And then if I told them that—"  
  
"Shego!" he cut her off suddenly, rushing forward and grabbing her shoulders.  "Did you...did you...?"  
  
He looked at her intently, hoping against hope.  She continued to frown at him, her brow deeply furrowed.  Slowly she turned her gaze downward and set both hands over her flat stomach.  When she looked back up at him her expression was unchanged.  She rolled her eyes with a sigh and looked up into his eyes.  
  
"I hate you."  
  
"Oh!" Drakken gasped in joy, wrapping her up in a bear hug and spinning her around until he tripped and they both fell onto the sofa.  "Thank you thank you thank you!"  
  
"Let me go, you big blue idiot," she managed to choke out from within his vise-like grip.  
  
"Thank you, thank you, thank you!"  
  
She managed to get her hands up to his chest and started pushing herself away from him.  He let go enough to look down at her, and she gasped for breath.  He gazed at her with a dopey grin, and when she caught a glimpse of his face she shoved him away in disgust.  
  
Nonplussed, he took her hand and began kissing it.  
  
"Thank you, Shego."  
  
"Ugh.  _Why_ does it matter so much to you, anyway?"  
  
Drakken finally looked a bit more like himself, the grin falling away as he thought.  
  
"I...uhm...well, I don't know right now, but I'll think of it."  
  
"Ugh," she repeated and fell back against the sofa, slumping in a very unladylike way especially considering her dress.  
  
"You can have...anything you want," Drakken said, resuming his kissing of her hand.  Having thoroughly kissed the back, he began kissing her palm.  He was so occupied in his task that he didn't notice how Shego seemed far more tolerant of that treatment.  
  
"First of all, I call all the shots.  All of 'em."  
  
"Okay," he said between kisses.  
  
"And you're doing all the grunt work," she continued.  
  
"Done!"  
  
"That means changing every diaper."  
  
Drakken looked up at her and blinked.  "Ah...done."  He let go of her hand and quickly rushed around to her other side and began kissing her other hand.  She looked at him in annoyance and straightened up.  
  
"And I'm not doing the...stay-at-home thing.  That's all you.  When I want to go out and do evil, that's what I'm going to do."  
  
"Anything you say," he said, his voice muffled as he kissed her palm.  
  
She yanked her hand away and wiped it on the sofa.  "All right, I get it, you're thankful."  
  
Drakken grinned at her again, this time looking her in the eyes and moving closer.  "You have no idea.  I am....so relieved that you didn't...  I...I'm so glad it's still alive."  
  
She crossed her arms and slumped against the back of the sofa again, staring at the wall opposite.  
  
He continued grinning at her, but his face started to fall as he noticed the rising tension in hers.  
  
"Shego?  Aren't you excited?  We're going to be parents!"  
  
She glared at him out of the corner of her eye and then resumed staring at the wall.  
  
"You're still not getting it Doc," she said, her voice sobering.  "The problem is that I don't _want_ to be."  
  
Drakken shifted even closer to her.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
She briefly glanced at him again.  "I spent most of my life taking care of other people's brats.  I never wanted to have anything to do with kids again."  
  
He blinked in confusion.  
  
"You...took care of kids?  When...?"  
  
She rolled her eyes in frustration.  "Uh, I was a teacher before I was evil.  Doy."  
  
Drakken tried to imagine the green-skinned sassy woman in front of a classroom and couldn't picture it.  
  
"Plus I had to take care of my brothers all the time..." she continued, her eyes growing vacant.  
  
He watched her, wondering not for the first time about her past.  But whatever memories she had trudged up she clearly wasn't going to share as her face twisted into a grimace and she threw her head back against the sofa with a groan.  
  
Drakken looked at her again, from the form-fitting black dress to the elegant bun in her hair, until settling his eyes on her middle.  
  
He gently set his hand against her abdomen, but it was immediately slapped away and he found her staring at him as if he had just attacked her with his vines.  
  
"Shego..." he whined slightly, "can't I feel it?"  
  
She looked horrified.  "There's nothing to feel."  
  
"Well...not yet, technically," he conceded, "but...it's in there."  
  
He stared at her middle again, smiling in awe.  
  
He looked up at her.  She blinked and clenched her teeth, her lower lip beginning to tremble.  
  
"Um...did I say something wrong?" he asked.  
  
Suddenly she began to cry and buried her eyes in the heels of her hands.  
  
"I hate you," she said through tears.  
  
Drakken was at a loss and just watched her.  A minute passed and her tears hadn't stopped, so he cautiously set a hand on her back.  
  
"I don't want this.  I never wanted this," she said.  
  
He moved closer and slipped his arm around her.  She took her hands away from her eyes and pushed against his chest, forcing him back.  
  
"And I don't want _you!_ " she continued, frowning up at him.  He realized her eyes were questioning, asking him to stop rather than telling him.  
  
He found a sliver of hope in that and decided to take a chance.  
  
"Well...you started it."  
  
"What?" she asked, blinking away her tears.  
  
"You...kissed me first, and you...it was all your idea!" he said with a defiant frown.  It was most definitely Shego's fault.  
  
"I—...you—...urghh!" she growled and looked away, crossing her arms.  
  
He carefully set his hand on her back again, and she didn't shrug him off.  
  
"I...um..." he said, his brow drawing in uncertainty.  He was afraid to go too far.  But surely things would be different between them now with a baby on the way?  
  
She suddenly turned and looked up at him again.  "Some things just don't work.  Some things are bad ideas and shouldn't even be _thought_ about, let alone acted on," she said forcefully.  
  
Drakken blinked.  "Then why did you...?"  
  
She looked away at the wall, a deep and furious frown now dominating her features.  She crossed her arms and drew her legs up onto the sofa.  
  
Drakken slipped his arm around her again.  She tensed, but didn't move.  
  
He sighed and changed tactics.  "Shego?  Um...why did you change your mind...about killing it?"  
  
She relaxed a little, but didn't look at him.  
  
"Because..." she grit her teeth, "you were right."  
  
His face brightened.  "I was?  A-about what?"  
  
She sighed and sank against the sofa again.  His arm was now pinned behind her and she glared at him.  He extracted it and fidgeted with his fingers.  
  
"At the clinic," she said quietly, "there were other men.  And they were all saying the same things you were, to their women.  And...they made sense.  I guess I...wasn't really hearing you," she said with a hint of guilt.  
  
He blinked and shook his head slightly.  "That's, um...okay.  And...thank you," he said awkwardly.  
  
She glanced at him appraisingly.  Then with a sudden yawn she stretched her entire body, extending even her toes before sinking back into the sofa.  
  
He looked at her sitting so close to him, slumped down, knees apart, and hairdo beginning to unravel.  
  
"You look beautiful," he said before he could stop himself.  
  
"Oh no," she warned, "don't you dare."  
  
He looked down sadly, but noticed that she corrected her posture and started fixing her hair.  Several seconds passed and he searched for something to say.  
  
"Um...are you still feeling sick."  
  
She glanced at him, looking surprised that he had remembered.  "I picked up some medicine on the way back."  
  
"Oh.  Good."  
  
He watched her as she preened.  Now that she sat up, the dress showed off her figure even more.  He held his breath and scooted toward her again.  When he was right next to her he set a hand on her knee.  
  
Immediately, she turned and shoved him off.  "I said _don't_.  Some things are a very bad idea, _gramps_ " she said, glaring at him.  "Case in point!"  she gestured forcefully toward her belly and then stood, smoothing her dress.  
  
Drakken looked down sadly.  He supposed he would never truly know what had motivated her all those weeks ago.  
  
Several seconds passed.  He heard her sigh next to him, and looked up to see her shouldering her purse.  
  
"Did you apologize to Poland?"  
  
"Um.  No?" he said in confusion.  
  
"Argh!" she hit her forehead with the heel of her hand.  "Doc, if you're playing good you can't just blow people off!  You have to let them know when you're not coming and have a good excuse!"  
  
She started shoving at his back and he rose and began scurrying toward his workstation.  He had completely forgotten about Poland and realized she was right.  People would get suspicious if he stopped communicating, and...he wanted their money.  
  
At the computer he quickly looked up the phone number and dialed.  It was only moments before someone on the other line picked up.  
  
"Hello, this is Dr. Drakken....  Yes...I'm so sorry we couldn't make it today—  Reschedule?  Yes, yes we could...  Um, Tuesday?  Well let me check my calendar..."  
  
Shego appeared in the doorway, and having heard the last she went to the computer to check on the date.  She gave him the nod, and he cleared his throat.  
  
"Yes, Tuesday will be fine...  Why?  Oh, it was, um...a, um...an unavoidable...family emergency."  
  
Shego's brows shot upward.  
  
"Thank you, and again I'm so terribly sorry," he said into the phone.  "Goodbye."  
  
He hung up and stepped back from the desk as Shego took a fighting stance toward him.  
  
"'Family emergency'?" she said angrily.  "Do you have any idea what could happen if someone puts two-and-two together with that?  My reputation would be ruined!"  
  
Drakken backed up another step.  
  
Shego had ignited her hands, but then something came over her face and she stared away at nothing, lost in thought.  
  
"Um.  What is it?" he asked tentatively.  
  
She shook her head.  "I...I'm not going to be able to go out in public.  I'm going to be trapped in here until this...this thing is out of me," she said in shocked realization.  
  
"Ahh...  Well, you could—"  
  
" _No_ one can know that you and I...  Arrgh!" she growled in frustration, pressing the heels of her hands into her forehead.  
  
Drakken tried picturing the days ahead as he imagined she was, and realized with sympathy that this beginning stage of their child's life was going to be...very hard on her.  
  
He approached her with open arms.  
  
"It will be all right," he began, "As...as soon as the baby is born, I can—"  
  
She looked at him furiously, her hands igniting again.  He stopped short.  
  
"No, nothing will _ever__ be all right.  Because it's the rest of our lives!  If you ever go out in public with a kid, people are going to wonder where it came from and start making assumptions!"  
  
Drakken fidgeted anxiously.  "We...we'll figure it out, Shego.  I'm sure together we can—"  
  
"I _hate_ you," she said, her words so cold with fury that he stepped back.  "And when this thing is out of me either _it_ goes, or _I_ go.  Nobody can ever know about this."  
  
Drakken gasped, wide-eyed.  The pain in his chest from earlier returned with staggering force, and he clutched at his shirt with a hand over his heart.  
  
She couldn't be serious.  Lose Shego, or lose their child?  It wasn't a choice.  
  
"Well?  Which is it?" she asked forcefully, letting her glow dissipate.  
  
"I..." Drakken gulped, "I'll have to think about it."  
  
Her eyes widened again, this time in surprise.  "You have to...?"  Drakken wondered which one she thought he would immediately choose.  
  
Several moments passed as they stared at each other.  But finally, Shego scoffed and turned away.  "Don't think too hard, or you might hurt yourself," she said as she left the room.  
  
"I...I have at least nine months!" he called after her.  
  
"Seven and a half!" she called back from the hallway.  
  
Slowly, he sank into the chair in front of his massive computer.  He set his elbows on the desk and rested his chin on his hands.  
  
Give up Shego, or give up his child?  
  
He thought about the first.  He had been evil for many years before meeting Shego.  And then after hiring her there had been spells of time where she disappeared for weeks on end, and he got along fine without her then, too.  
  
But now, after they had...?  After he had made his love known and until he actually voiced it, he was certain that she reciprocated...now he wasn't sure if he could do it again.  When he woke each morning his first thought was of her, and his days were spent trying not to think of her.  She constantly reminded him that she didn't want to be with him, and yet every moment with her was joy.  He couldn't lose her.    
  
But to lose their child...  Something special _they_ had created, albeit unintentionally.  He realized it wasn't enough that she had decided to keep it alive.  He actually...wanted it.  Now that it existed, the thought of giving it up was impossible.

If he wasn't so distraught, he would be fascinated that a person he only learned about hours before meant so much to him.  And as a result, he was faced with an impossible situation.  
  
He looked from his left to his right as he considered both options, murmurs of frustration escaping his lips with each turn.  And suddenly he felt like he could sympathize with Shego.  Choosing between death and life with inescapable consequences whichever was chosen couldn't have been easy for her.  
  
He groaned and buried his face in his hands.  He couldn't do it.  He couldn't choose between Shego and the baby.  
  
A thought flitted into his mind that had she decided to kill the baby, he wouldn't be in this predicament.  But the idea filled him crippling dread, and he gritted his teeth and shook his head to banish the notion.  
  
His lower lip trembled as he imagined a new scene—a crying baby in his arms as he watched Shego's back as she left the lair for the last time.  
  
Soft whimpers began to emanate from his throat.  But as quickly as they started, they stopped.  He set his face in determination and put every horrible imagining out of his mind.  
  
He couldn't choose between Shego and their child.  He _had_ to have them both.  
  
He turned around and faced his computer and typed a new search into the web browser.  _'How to make a woman fall in love with you.'_ He bookmarked the first three results, and then began reading from the first.  
  
He had seven and a half months, after all.  


* * *

  
Drakken woke up.  


 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: So which is the nightmare, and which is reality? Or was _all_ of it a dream in the end?


End file.
